INNOCENT VALENTINES DAY CARDS GONE WILD

WEIRDEST VALENTINES DAY CARDS GONE WRONG WITH GOOD INTENTIONS, BAD CONCEPTION

It’s that time of the year again where cherubs do their work and prick their tiny little arrows into the asses of unsuspecting people of this planet. It’s that time when restaurants are overflowing with mushy lovers and stores have every possible love trinket and card for sale. It’s that time where men have to think of a smart way to make an evening special for their loved one or else. It’s that time of the year where your wallet will take a beating if you want to please the person you are sharing this most amazing day with. Amazing day my ass. It’s like any other day of the year for people like me.

Unfortunately for me these so-called Cherubs don’t seem to be around my part of the planet much. Either they entirely skip over my town or they simply all died of unsuccessful matches. I’ve been single for the past few years and it’s not because I decided on it, it just happens to be like that. I’m willing to bet that I’m not the only single one the planet hoping to spend all their money in one day on that special someone.



I’ve been single yes, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been courted. Every year I receive a shit load of Valentine’s Day cards proclaiming their love to me. Regrettably, they are all certainly distasteful and from gents who only see me for the sex bomb I am. I grant some of them were funny but some were simply off the charts ridiculous. If you think you’re going to get me with a wacky Valentine’s Day card… then you may be right! I am feeling a little relationship desperate this time of year! Seeing all those couples kiss and smooch like there’s no tomorrow really seems to do a number on me. I used to always think that Valentine’s Day was a purely commercial holiday but after years of skipping this love filled day kind of makes me wonder what I am missing.

Valentine’s Day cards are most definitely the number one choice of gift on this special day dedicated to love. You probably have had your share of Valentines but I’m guessing you most likely never ever had any innocent Valentine’s Day cards gone wild like I have. I would love everyone to take a look and understand that these Valentines gone wrong are simply not the way to go when looking for something sweet to give your partner. You want your partner to be fucking you not kicking you out the door.

I will be alone again on this overdone holiday so here is to another lonely year: Roses are red violets are blue, I’m all alone so fuck you. So happy Valentine’s Day to all you lovers out there and may your Valentines be as crappy as mine and please feel free to share your favorite of these amazing Valentine’s Day Cards with the people you don’t love because they’re probably gonna get you the opposite of hot and heavy sex action.

WHY ARE ALL THE CUTE GUYS ON A GAY WEBCAM CHAT SITE

THE NEW GAY CHATROULETTE

I was checking out a new website called Jizzroulette for some friends of mine who were looking for a gay Chatroulette. I did not know what to expect at all and I thought it was just another one of those phony crappy sites where you have to pay to see anyone at all. Well boy was I surprised! So many cute guys! I was jealous! There are not many guys on LiveFreeFun to sex chat with but on Jizzroulette there were literally thousands! Then I thought to myself, why are all the cute guys here? Why are they all on a gay webcam chat site? Why are they not on LiveFreeFun?

BEST OF BOTH WORLDS

I always thought that the cutest guys were gay and it kind of was disappointing until I myself realized I was part gay! It took me a while to figure it out but at least now I feel good about myself and the choices that I make. I feel I have the best of both worlds. I love a cute and sweet guy with a nice long and hard cock it makes me feel alive. On the other hand, I can’t get enough pussy. I could eat pussy all day (I've been told I’m pretty good at it too!) of course get mine eaten in return. So I am one of the lucky ones and I get to dip my toes in both pools. I love it.

ARE THEY ALL GAY?

the guys on Jizzroulette all really gay? I asked myself this question because after visiting a few profiles from GayFreeFun (powers jizzroulette) I saw some really hot guys profile and when I read it said he was heterosexual and loved to stick his cock in sweet tight asses. I then asked myself an important question, is this real gay sex chat or another one of those sites that promise unfulfilled fantasies. I decide to look a little closer since I did not want to disappoint my friends by recommending it.

I logged in (it’s free and easy) and decided to have a little chat with this cute hunk. I didn't want to ask him right off the bat so I simply acted clueless. I threw him a few compliments and then a few sentences clueing in on the fact that I was a girl to see what he would say. Surprise surprise, he politely asked me to leave his chat room and that there were sites for what I was looking for! I know! I work there! I then asked if he was really gay. He told me he had been with a girl once and just couldn't get it hard and at that moment he knew! How cute! What a sweety! I then proceeded to tell him his profile said he was heterosexual and he totally freaked out! He looked at it and told me I was mistaken. I refreshed the page and it wasn't the same profile. I guess the website screwed some profiles up! I decide to check around and make sure and I didn't see any other heterosexual profiles, only really cute and hunky guys just waiting to jerk off and get jerked off to.

It’s too bad thought they are all gay. Some of them are off the charts gorgeous. But they don’t want my pussy, all they want is a cock and I get that! So now I’m off to LiveFreeFun to find what I’m looking for and I’ll let my friends all know that I have found their ultimate fantasy giver and hope they thank me forever for making sure it’s what they were looking for so they don't waste their time looking for the ultimate gay webcam chat site because I found it for them!

How to avoid akward Christmas family questions about your girlfriend and still get laid

HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY CHRISTMAS GIRLFRIEND

Are you one of the lucky guys who can strut into Christmas party with your girlfriend? Not everyone has that kind of luck during the holidays. Some of us will spend Christmas and New Year’s sad and alone. I’ve thought of just borrowing a friend to pretend she was my girlfriend so my family would get off my back with their stupid questions: “Have you found someone? Are you still alone? When are you gonna give us grand children?” Leave me alone!

DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND YET?

That fateful moment when you realize that this is the question that will be on everyone’s lips at Christmas.
You’ve had some girlfriends but for some god forsaken reason they’re never around for the holidays. Or maybe you don’t want to bring your fuck friend home to meet your parents.
Imagine this scenario, “Hi nice to meet you! Are you his new girlfriend?” “Umm no…we’re only into casual sex” That would be enough to give your grandmother a heart attack! So you are stuck in and endless loop of girlfriend related questions: “Why haven’t you found one yet? What are you waiting for? Maybe you need to change? What’s wrong with you?”

THE SOLUTION TO THE GIRLFRIEND PROBLEM

None of your friends want to play temporary girlfriend? Who cares? ? All you need are a few Photoshop skills and you’re on your way to a Merry Christmas. No need to answer questions, no expensive gifts to buy – nothing can beat my solution to all your girlfriend problems.
We all know we would rather fuck whomever we want rather than live through the monotony of monogamy. Forget finding a girlfriend to make your family happy and keep your bed full of sluts.

YES I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND BUT SHE IS OUT OF TOWN WITH HER FAMILY

Yes, you will have to lie. No going around it. So put your poker face on and practice your speech in the mirror. "Yeah I have a girlfriend, we met online a few weeks ago. She is amazing. I see her bearing my children. We met a few times and it was electric, unfortunately she had to leave town to spend Christmas with her family. I’m sad but I’m comforted by the fact that I’m not alone anymore."
That should get them off your back for the holidays. Now grab a computer, download the pictures I‘ve prepared for you, add your face, print them out stick them in your wallet and voila.
I’ve created a Family friendly picture set and of course an “I want to impress my friends” picture set. I’ve created these for you because I know how crappy it is to have to spend Christmas alone with everyone reminding you of how crap-tacular your life is.


It's time you take the matter into your own hands and show everyone that you can and are a great catch. No one will question you after seeing you with a cute blond. All you have to do is flash your pics in their face and keep complaining that you miss her and that you can't wait to see her again. Spend the holidays in a great way without all the family fuss and of course your friends will be excited to see your newest conquest.

Cheers to all of you. May you set forth and spread your seed during this season of ugly aunt kisses, boring family reunions, horrible Xmas music and old Uncle Bob’s dirty jokes. Merry Christmas, have fun and don’t forget to show off your new Christmas girlfriend!